"The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."
-Jay Leno
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"CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it."
-Jay Leno
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"The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular."
-Jay Leno
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"Politics is just show business for ugly people."
-Jay Leno
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"Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution."
-Jay Leno
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"You're not famous until my mother has heard of you."
-Jay Leno
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"I wasn't anything special as a father. But I loved them and they knew it."
-Sammy Davis, Jr.
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"My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad but New York City?"
-Henny Youngman
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"The child is father of the man."
-William Wordsworth
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"My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense."
-Fred Allen
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"My parents loved each other. I was raised in a house of total love and respect. My dad worked very hard and my mother was incredibly devoted to him. I can unequivocally, without any peradventure of doubt, tell you that I was raised with the kind of love that we only dream of."
-James Wood
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"I'm a good dad I spend a lot of time with my kids."
-Steve Zahn
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