"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
-Mitch Hedberg
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Other Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
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"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?"
-Mitch Hedberg
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"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
-Steve Martin
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"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity."
-Albert Einstein
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"People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading."
-Logan P. Smith
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"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."
-Woody Allen
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"To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone."
-Reba McEntire
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"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is."
-Ellen DeGeneres
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