"The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling."
-Paula Poundstone
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"I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.“
-Paula Poundstone
posted in Funny
Other Quotes by Paula Poundstone
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"I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family."
-Paula Poundstone
HumorView Quote
"I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe."
-Paula Poundstone
HumorView Quote
"I'm thankful for Sarah Palin's vice presidential bid, which taught us that Alaska is not in a box off the coast of California."
-Paula Poundstone
ThankfulView Quote
"I'm thankful that my memory is good because my vision is going."
-Paula Poundstone
ThankfulView Quote
"I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings."
-Paula Poundstone
ThankfulView Quote
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"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
-Steve Martin
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"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity."
-Albert Einstein
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"People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading."
-Logan P. Smith
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"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."
-Woody Allen
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"To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone."
-Reba McEntire
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"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is."
-Ellen DeGeneres
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