"The British do not expect happiness. I had the impression, all the time that I lived there, that they do not want to be happy they want to be right."
-Quentin Crisp
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"When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?"
-Quentin Crisp
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"If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style."
-Quentin Crisp
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"My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it."
-Quentin Crisp
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"Manners are love in a cool climate."
-Quentin Crisp
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"Though intelligence is powerless to modify character, it is a dab hand at finding euphemisms for its weaknesses."
-Quentin Crisp
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"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
-Steve Martin
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"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity."
-Albert Einstein
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"People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading."
-Logan P. Smith
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"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."
-Woody Allen
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"To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone."
-Reba McEntire
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"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is."
-Ellen DeGeneres
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