"So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naive, I feel!"
-Eddie Izzard
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"I mean, sometimes... a comedian becomes an actor, and they just don't deliver, because the bottom line of comedy is to be funny, and the bottom line of acting is to be truthful, and they get that mixed up sometimes, or don't even notice that that's the thing.“
-Eddie Izzard
posted in Funny
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"I try to just talk about human stories and what I think about religion or teapots or whatever."
-Eddie Izzard
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"Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion - they're two words which are both... different. In spelling."
-Eddie Izzard
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"Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written by others."
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"Cats have a scam going - you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away that's the deal."
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"I just believe in the goodwill of people, the power of people to do something positive."
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"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity."
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"People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading."
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"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."
-Woody Allen
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"To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone."
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"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is."
-Ellen DeGeneres
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