"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.“
-Mitch Hedberg
posted in Good
Other Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
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"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?"
-Mitch Hedberg
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"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid."
-Jane Austen
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"One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain."
-Bob Marley
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"I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love."
-Marilyn Monroe
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"Whatever you are, be a good one."
-Abraham Lincoln
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"It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart."
-Anne Frank
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"There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so."
-William Shakespeare
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