"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.“
-Mitch Hedberg
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Other Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
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"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?"
-Mitch Hedberg
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"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends."
-J. K. Rowling
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"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."
-Maya Angelou
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"I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal."
-Jane Austen
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"I haven't had that one great love, which is good. I don't want that to be in the past - I want it to be in the future."
-Taylor Swift
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"Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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"Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together."
-George Eliot
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