"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."
-George Carlin
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"When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent."
-George Carlin
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"I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work."
-George Carlin
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"Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit."
-George Carlin
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"Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that."
-George Carlin
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"By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth."
-George Carlin
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Same Category
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"The highest use of capital is not to make more money, but to make money do more for the betterment of life."
-Henry Ford
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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
-Brooke Shields
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"There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way."
-Christopher Morley
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"What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life."
-Leo Buscaglia
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"Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance and hypocritical humility. I chose the former and have seen no reason to change."
-Frank Lloyd Wright
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"Take a chance! All life is a chance. The man who goes farthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare."
-Dale Carnegie
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