"My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger."
-Billy Connolly
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"Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.“
-Billy Connolly
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Other Quotes by Billy Connolly
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"My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo."
-Billy Connolly
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"Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on."
-Billy Connolly
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"I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be."
-Billy Connolly
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"I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives."
-Billy Connolly
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"Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear, and so it would be patronising to go and talk like a welder. Welding's a mystery to me now. You can't go back, your life changes every day."
-Billy Connolly
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"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."
-Friedrich Nietzsche
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"Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance."
-Jane Austen
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"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."
-Mignon McLaughlin
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"To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it Whenever you're right, shut up."
-Ogden Nash
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"A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished."
-Zsa Zsa Gabor
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"Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats."
-Woody Allen
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