"My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father."
-Wendy Liebman
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"I don't think I was funny until college. I lived with some Harvard MD/PhD students - they were so smart, and what I contributed to the house was, I was the funny one."
-Wendy Liebman
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"I think there have always been funny women, from Carol Burnett to Joan Rivers. When the audience sees a woman, they innately know she's worked twice as hard to get there, she's had to prove that she can be the leader, first, and then be funny on top of it. She has to emit a confidence that she's in control."
-Wendy Liebman
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"I took an acting class. After the first day, the teacher quit, so they said take another. When I saw 'How to be a Stand-up Comedian,' it resonated. I realized I'd rather make 200 people laugh than make one person cry."
-Wendy Liebman
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"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
-Marilyn Monroe
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"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."
-Robert Frost
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"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."
-Friedrich Nietzsche
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"Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance."
-Jane Austen
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"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."
-Mignon McLaughlin
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"To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it Whenever you're right, shut up."
-Ogden Nash
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"A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished."
-Zsa Zsa Gabor
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"Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats."
-Woody Allen
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