"A lot of my humor centers on the act of telling jokes and I think this can prevent certain audiences from suspending their feeling of disbelief. It might piss a few people off, but I can't help it."
-Michael Showalter
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"For me, Twitter works best as a way of taking pictures of being stuck in traffic on the Brooklyn Bridge. If people really want to read really funny quips about life, parenting, and pop culture, then by all means read Michael Ian Black's tweets.“
-Michael Showalter
posted in Parenting
Other Quotes by Michael Showalter
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"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
-Marilyn Monroe
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"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."
-Robert Frost
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"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved."
-George Sand
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"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."
-Mark Twain
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"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
-Maya Angelou
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"No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal."
-Bill Cosby
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"Don't try to make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it."
-Russell Baker
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"What feeling is so nice as a child's hand in yours? So small, so soft and warm, like a kitten huddling in the shelter of your clasp."
-Marjorie Holmes
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"Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted."
-Garrison Keillor
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"Screaming at children over their grades, especially to the point of the child's tears, is child abuse, pure and simple. It's not funny and it's not good parenting. It is a crushing, scarring, disastrous experience for the child. It isn't the least bit funny."
-Ben Stein
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"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth."
-Erma Bombeck
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