"Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'“

-Mitch Hedberg

posted in Time

Mitch Hedberg quote on Time: "Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, ..." - Aesthetic Wallpaper & Wisdom

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"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."

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"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."

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"Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?"

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"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."

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"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."

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"I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life."

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"The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time."

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"Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be."

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"We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love."

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"Someday, after mastering the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire."

-Pierre Teilhard de Chardin