"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.“
-Mitch Hedberg
posted in Women
Other Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
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"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."
-Mitch Hedberg
DreamsView Quote
"Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?"
-Mitch Hedberg
CoolView Quote
"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."
-Mitch Hedberg
BusinessView Quote
"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."
-Mitch Hedberg
WorkView Quote
"I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific."
-Mitch Hedberg
MorningView Quote
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"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages."
-William Shakespeare
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"Wherever men and women are persecuted because of their race, religion, or political views, that place must - at that moment - become the center of the universe."
-Elie Wiesel
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"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-Robert A. Heinlein
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"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'"
-Conan O'Brien
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"Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."
-Oscar Wilde
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"Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speak by something outside himself like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks."
-Jean Kerr
WomenView Quote