"The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."
-Jay Leno
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"The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular."
-Jay Leno
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"Politics is just show business for ugly people."
-Jay Leno
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"Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution."
-Jay Leno
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"You're not famous until my mother has heard of you."
-Jay Leno
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"Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!"
-Jay Leno
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"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages."
-William Shakespeare
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"Wherever men and women are persecuted because of their race, religion, or political views, that place must - at that moment - become the center of the universe."
-Elie Wiesel
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"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-Robert A. Heinlein
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"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'"
-Conan O'Brien
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"Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."
-Oscar Wilde
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"Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speak by something outside himself like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks."
-Jean Kerr
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