"CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it."
-Jay Leno
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"The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular."
-Jay Leno
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"Politics is just show business for ugly people."
-Jay Leno
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"Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution."
-Jay Leno
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"You're not famous until my mother has heard of you."
-Jay Leno
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"Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!"
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"Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind."
-Mary Ellen Chase
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"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph."
-Shirley Temple
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"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."
-George Carlin
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"The excellence of a gift lies in its appropriateness rather than in its value."
-Charles Dudley Warner
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"I love Christmas. Frosty the Snowman, peace on Earth and mangers, Salvation Army bell ringers and reindeer, the movie 'Meet Me in St. Louis,' office parties and cookies."
-Mo Rocca
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"Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit."
-Kin Hubbard
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