"President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, 'I know you're there, pick up, pick up."
-Craig Kilborn
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"I have a wonderful respect for old people."
-Craig Kilborn
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"People here in Los Angeles are disgusted now about a sex scandal involving Arnold Schwarzenegger. Apparently for seven years, he carried on a sexual relationship with his own wife."
-Craig Kilborn
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"How sweet it is!"
-Jackie Gleason
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"We don't believe in rheumatism and true love until after the first attack."
-Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach
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"It's better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week."
-Laurence J. Peter
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"Humor results when society says you can't scratch certain things in public, but they itch in public."
-Tom Walsh
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"The best scary movies have great humor in them and a great story."
-Stephen Sommers
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"This is a feminist bookstore. There is no humor section."
-John Callahan
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"Humor has historically been tied to the mores of the day. The Yellow Kid was predicated on what people thought was funny about the immigrant Irish. When you're different in a society, you're funny."
-Will Eisner
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"We take the shortest route to the puck and arrive in ill humor."
-Bobby Clarke
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"You may not like the humor, but that is why every radio has an on-off button."
-Mel Karmazin
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