"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
-Emo Philips
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"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.“
-Emo Philips
posted in Computers
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"Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something."
-Emo Philips
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"He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites."
-Emo Philips
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"When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas."
-Emo Philips
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"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps."
-Emo Philips
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"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
-Emo Philips
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"The big question society will have to answer is whether it wants computers thinking like humans."
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"There's my education in computers, right there this is the whole thing, everything I took out of a book."
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"I actually use a computer a lot. I have three computers that I use on a regular basis - one is on my desk top in my Washington office, another is at home, and I have my laptop that I use when I'm travelling."
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"Computers are to design as microwaves are to cooking."
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"There has never been an unexpectedly short debugging period in the history of computers."
-Steven Levy
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