"Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence."
-Erma Bombeck
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"One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.“
-Erma Bombeck
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"There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child."
-Erma Bombeck
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"Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you."
-Erma Bombeck
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"Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown."
-Erma Bombeck
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"Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go."
-Erma Bombeck
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"I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars."
-Erma Bombeck
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"There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way."
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"What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life."
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"Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance and hypocritical humility. I chose the former and have seen no reason to change."
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"Take a chance! All life is a chance. The man who goes farthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare."
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