"If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.“
-Mitch Hedberg
posted in Birthday
Other Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
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"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'"
-Mitch Hedberg
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"I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all."
-Mitch Hedberg
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"And I was very shy as a kid if you sang me 'Happy Birthday,' I would cry. Quite shy. So the idea of being an actor, much less a model, was just out of this world."
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"I used to go down every year for the remembrance of Elvis' birthday. Memphis State College invited me to sit in the auditorium and speak to the people for one of those Elvis days."
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"Brilliantly lit from stem to stern, she looked like a sagging birthday cake."
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"Lucy took care of me on the set, and made sure that none of the crew cussed around me. She also had birthday parties for me and made sure that they were well attended."
-Keith Thibodeaux
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"With a recent birthday, I've been acting now for twenty years."
-Thayer David
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