"If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult."
-P. J. O'Rourke
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"Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.“
-P. J. O'Rourke
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"The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it."
-P. J. O'Rourke
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"There's a certain kind of behavior in the Arab world that, to me, resembles the way young men behave when there is no significant influence from women in their lives."
-P. J. O'Rourke
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"There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner."
-P. J. O'Rourke
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"After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi."
-P. J. O'Rourke
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"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible."
-P. J. O'Rourke
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"But I think funny and talent will always win out I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you're funny you will get over all of that."
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"It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world."
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"I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business."
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"When we criticize in Iran the actions of the government, the fundamentalists say that we and the Bush Administration are in the same camp. The funny thing is that human rights activists and Mr. Bush can never be situated in the same group."
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"So it was just funny to read a script that was just similar to what had been going on in my life."
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