"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper."
-Jerry Seinfeld
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"Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end."
-Jerry Seinfeld
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"There is no such thing as fun for the whole family."
-Jerry Seinfeld
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"The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!"
-Jerry Seinfeld
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"That's the true spirit of Christmas people being helped by people other than me."
-Jerry Seinfeld
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"Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death."
-Jerry Seinfeld
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"I wasn't anything special as a father. But I loved them and they knew it."
-Sammy Davis, Jr.
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"My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad but New York City?"
-Henny Youngman
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"The child is father of the man."
-William Wordsworth
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"My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense."
-Fred Allen
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"My parents loved each other. I was raised in a house of total love and respect. My dad worked very hard and my mother was incredibly devoted to him. I can unequivocally, without any peradventure of doubt, tell you that I was raised with the kind of love that we only dream of."
-James Wood
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"I'm a good dad I spend a lot of time with my kids."
-Steve Zahn
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