"I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor."
-Joan Rivers
workView Quote
"I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.“
-Joan Rivers
posted in funny
Other Quotes
Discover more inspiring quotes from our collection
"What are people going to do? Fire me? I've been fired before. Not book me? I've been out of work before. I don't care."
-Joan Rivers
workView Quote
"Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise."
-Joan Rivers
wisdomView Quote
"She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven."
-Joan Rivers
warView Quote
"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it."
-Joan Rivers
timeView Quote
"Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television."
-Joan Rivers
thankfulView Quote
Same Category
More quotes in this category
"The last person they expected to connect with a screenplay was the comedic, blonde actress with the funny voice."
-Joey Lauren Adams
funnyView Quote
"But I think funny and talent will always win out I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you're funny you will get over all of that."
-Wanda Sykes
funnyView Quote
"It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world."
-Artie Lange
funnyView Quote
"I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business."
-Wanda Sykes
funnyView Quote
"When we criticize in Iran the actions of the government, the fundamentalists say that we and the Bush Administration are in the same camp. The funny thing is that human rights activists and Mr. Bush can never be situated in the same group."
-Shirin Ebadi
funnyView Quote
"So it was just funny to read a script that was just similar to what had been going on in my life."
-Piper Perabo
funnyView Quote