"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper."
-Jerry Seinfeld
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"Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.“
-Jerry Seinfeld
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Other Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld
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"There is no such thing as fun for the whole family."
-Jerry Seinfeld
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"The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!"
-Jerry Seinfeld
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"That's the true spirit of Christmas people being helped by people other than me."
-Jerry Seinfeld
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"Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death."
-Jerry Seinfeld
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"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.'"
-Jerry Seinfeld
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"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present."
-Joan Rivers
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"All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring."
-Chuck Palahniuk
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"If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans."
-Woody Allen
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"Part of me suspects that I'm a loser, and the other part of me thinks I'm God Almighty."
-John Lennon
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"To you I'm an atheist to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition."
-Woody Allen
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"I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it."
-Voltaire
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