"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
-Emo Philips
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Other Quotes by Emo Philips
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"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."
-Emo Philips
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"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps."
-Emo Philips
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"Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day."
-Emo Philips
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"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
-Emo Philips
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"I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator."
-Emo Philips
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Same Category
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"A joke is a very serious thing."
-Winston Churchill
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"Humor is reason gone mad."
-Groucho Marx
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"There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt."
-Erma Bombeck
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"Humor is mankind's greatest blessing."
-Mark Twain
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"The secret to humor is surprise."
-Aristotle
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"Humor is laughing at what you haven't got when you ought to have it."
-Langston Hughes
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