"I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it."
-Demetri Martin
christmasView Quote
"And of course I didn't make any money from stand up for years, so I had temp jobs. That was the way I made money.“
-Demetri Martin
posted in money
Other Quotes
Discover more inspiring quotes from our collection
"I like women, but you can't always trust them. Some of them are big liars, like this one woman I met who had a dog. I asked her her dog's name and then I asked, 'Does he bite?' and she said, 'No.' And I said, 'So how does he eat?' Liar!"
-Demetri Martin
womenView Quote
"I love women, but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog's name. Then I said, 'Does he bite?' She said, 'No.' And I said, 'Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?' Liar."
-Demetri Martin
womenView Quote
"I like women, but you can't always trust them. Some of them are big liars, like this one woman I met who had a dog. I asked her her dog's name and then I asked, 'Does he bite?' and she said, 'No.' And I said, 'So how does he eat?' Liar!"
-Demetri Martin
trustView Quote
"I love women, but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog's name. Then I said, 'Does he bite?' She said, 'No.' And I said, 'Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?' Liar."
-Demetri Martin
trustView Quote
"If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half."
-Demetri Martin
timeView Quote
Same Category
More quotes in this category
"People look at me, and they go, 'You're white, you're smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.'"
-Adam Carolla
moneyView Quote
"The fellow that has no money is poor. The fellow that has nothing but money is poorer still."
-Billy Sunday
moneyView Quote
"Kids are meant to believe that their stepping stone to massive money is 'The X Factor.' Luck is great, but most of life is hard work. We do not celebrate people who have made success out of serious hard work."
-Iain Duncan Smith
moneyView Quote
"Because I don't take money, I'll go anywhere and do a benefit concert with almost any orchestra."
-David Ogden Stiers
moneyView Quote
"Nothing except the mint can make money without advertising."
-Thomas B. Macaulay
moneyView Quote
"Thankfully, due to the United Kingdom and the commitment of the Westminster government we are able to ensure that money brought in, whether it be from the City of London or from North Sea oil, can be pooled and directed to wherever it is needed most. That is what being in the United Kingdom is all about."
-Iain Duncan Smith
moneyView Quote