"Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself."
-David Sedaris
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"I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning arguments. 'That's not what you said on February 3, 1996,' I'll say to someone.“
-David Sedaris
posted in morning
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"But most good movies have a gun in them."
-David Sedaris
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"I go to the movies at least five times a week, and after a while everything becomes a blur to me."
-David Sedaris
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"When I look at a lot of older stuff that I've written, I think one sign of amateur humor writing is when you see people trying too hard."
-David Sedaris
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"The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons."
-David Sedaris
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"I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer."
-David Sedaris
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"I knew, however, that the next morning after the fight I would have to get away, and I did just in time, for a full company came early to look for me and were furious because I had escaped them."
-Jesse James
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"In the morning he was lying dead on one of the beds fully clothed. He was dead. I got the impression he wanted to go, and I must have killed him. I can't remember strangling him. I just sat there shocked."
-Dennis Nilsen
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"Tis always morning somewhere in the world."
-Richard Henry Horne
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"Secretary of State Colin Powell, thank you so much, as always, for joining us this morning."
-Hannah Storm
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"I have been wounded like this since about half past eight this morning and I will tell you how it happened."
-Francesco Borromini
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"It takes more than driving to become an IndyCar driver. Gone are the days when drivers show up Friday morning and go home Sunday night. We're all integral to our partnerships, commercially, motorsports. We're as much champions in the boardroom as we are on the racetrack."
-Charlie Kimball
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