"My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger."
-Billy Connolly
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"My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.“
-Billy Connolly
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"Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on."
-Billy Connolly
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"Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit."
-Billy Connolly
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"I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be."
-Billy Connolly
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"I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives."
-Billy Connolly
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"Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear, and so it would be patronising to go and talk like a welder. Welding's a mystery to me now. You can't go back, your life changes every day."
-Billy Connolly
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"Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened."
-Anatole France
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"Animals are reliable, many full of love, true in their affections, predictable in their actions, grateful and loyal. Difficult standards for people to live up to."
-Alfred A. Montapert
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"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats."
-Albert Schweitzer
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"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
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"Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function."
-Garrison Keillor
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"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."
-Andy Rooney
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