"I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time."
-Steven Wright
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"I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."
-Steven Wright
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"What's another word for Thesaurus?"
-Steven Wright
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"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."
-Steven Wright
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"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
-Steven Wright
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"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time."
-Steven Wright
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Same Category
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"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
-Groucho Marx
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"The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time."
-Bertrand Russell
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"Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be."
-Mark Twain
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"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."
-Maya Angelou
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"We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love."
-Tom Robbins
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"Someday, after mastering the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire."
-Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
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