"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means."
-Henny Youngman
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"I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.“
-Henny Youngman
posted in Christmas
Other Quotes by Henny Youngman
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"My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad but New York City?"
-Henny Youngman
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"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret."
-Henny Youngman
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"A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student."
-Henny Youngman
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"This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!"
-Henny Youngman
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"This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest."
-Henny Youngman
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"Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind."
-Mary Ellen Chase
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"The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."
-Jay Leno
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"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph."
-Shirley Temple
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"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."
-George Carlin
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"The excellence of a gift lies in its appropriateness rather than in its value."
-Charles Dudley Warner
ChristmasView Quote
"I love Christmas. Frosty the Snowman, peace on Earth and mangers, Salvation Army bell ringers and reindeer, the movie 'Meet Me in St. Louis,' office parties and cookies."
-Mo Rocca
ChristmasView Quote