"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place."
-Steven Wright
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"I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time."
-Steven Wright
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"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."
-Steven Wright
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"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time."
-Steven Wright
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"I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time."
-Steven Wright
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"I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."
-Steven Wright
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"The first crocodile I ever caught was at nine years of age, and it was a rescue."
-Steve Irwin
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"Time, in general, has always been a central obsession of mine - what it does to people, how it can constitute a plot all on its own. So naturally, I am interested in old age."
-Anne Tyler
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"Any young man who is unmarried at the age of twenty one is a menace to the community."
-Brigham Young
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"If there is anything I would do differently in my life, it is that I would study business more. I'm trying to teach my daughter Chloe at an early age about investing and money so she's not afraid of it."
-Donna Mills
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"What though youth gave love and roses, Age still leaves us friends and wine."
-Thomas More
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"In a spiritually sensitive culture, then, it might well be that age is something to be admired or envied."
-Rowan D. Williams
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