"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper."
-Jerry Seinfeld
FunnyView Quote
"You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'“
-Jerry Seinfeld
posted in Birthday
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"Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end."
-Jerry Seinfeld
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"There is no such thing as fun for the whole family."
-Jerry Seinfeld
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"The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!"
-Jerry Seinfeld
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"That's the true spirit of Christmas people being helped by people other than me."
-Jerry Seinfeld
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"Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death."
-Jerry Seinfeld
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-Jim Valvano
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"Your children need your presence more than your presents."
-Jesse Jackson
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"Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?"
-John Heywood
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"I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity."
-Eleanor Roosevelt
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"A gift consists not in what is done or given, but in the intention of the giver or doer."
-Lucius Annaeus Seneca
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"The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to remember it once."
-E. Joseph Cossman
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