"I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time."
-Steven Wright
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"For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.“
-Steven Wright
posted in Birthday
Other Quotes by Steven Wright
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"I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."
-Steven Wright
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"What's another word for Thesaurus?"
-Steven Wright
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"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."
-Steven Wright
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"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
-Steven Wright
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"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time."
-Steven Wright
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"My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me."
-Jim Valvano
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"Your children need your presence more than your presents."
-Jesse Jackson
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"Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?"
-John Heywood
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"I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity."
-Eleanor Roosevelt
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"A gift consists not in what is done or given, but in the intention of the giver or doer."
-Lucius Annaeus Seneca
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"The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to remember it once."
-E. Joseph Cossman
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