"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
-Mitch Hedberg
FoodView Quote
"I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.“
-Mitch Hedberg
posted in Birthday
Other Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
Discover more inspiring quotes by Mitch Hedberg
"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."
-Mitch Hedberg
DreamsView Quote
"Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?"
-Mitch Hedberg
CoolView Quote
"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."
-Mitch Hedberg
BusinessView Quote
"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."
-Mitch Hedberg
WorkView Quote
"I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life."
-Mitch Hedberg
WomenView Quote
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"Your children need your presence more than your presents."
-Jesse Jackson
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"Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?"
-John Heywood
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"I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity."
-Eleanor Roosevelt
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"A gift consists not in what is done or given, but in the intention of the giver or doer."
-Lucius Annaeus Seneca
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"The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to remember it once."
-E. Joseph Cossman
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