"I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time."
-Steven Wright
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Other Quotes by Steven Wright
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"I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."
-Steven Wright
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"What's another word for Thesaurus?"
-Steven Wright
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"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."
-Steven Wright
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"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
-Steven Wright
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"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time."
-Steven Wright
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"Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work, driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for, in order to get to a job that you need so you can pay for the clothes, car and the house that you leave empty all day in order to afford to live in it."
-Ellen Goodman
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"If you are a writer you locate yourself behind a wall of silence and no matter what you are doing, driving a car or walking or doing housework you can still be writing, because you have that space."
-Joyce Carol Oates
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"Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires less energy to go faster and farther when the wheels are in perfect alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, and values are in balance."
-Brian Tracy
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"It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows."
-Erma Bombeck
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"Every song has a composer, every book has an author, every car has a maker, every painting has a painter, and every building has a builder. So it isn't irrational to take this simple logic a little further and say that nature must have had a Maker. It would be irrational to believe that it made itself."
-Ray Comfort
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"Drug misuse is not a disease, it is a decision, like the decision to step out in front of a moving car. You would call that not a disease but an error of judgment."
-Philip K. Dick
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