Andy Rooney

"The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men."

"Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done."

"Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads."

"Death is a distant rumor to the young."

"I don't like food that's too carefully arranged it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting."

"The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread."