funny

Laughter is the ultimate shortcut through the heavy lifting of daily existence, a sudden release valve for when the world starts taking itself far too absurdly seriously. In this collection, you will find nearly a thousand sharp observations, witty complaints, and brilliantly skewed perspectives from minds that refuse to look at reality straight on. Whether you need a quick mental reset during a long afternoon or a clever comeback for your next social gathering, these words offer a healthy dose of instant relief and sideways wisdom. Dive in, browse around, and discover a few favorite lines to brighten your day.

998

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Mitch Hedberg

7 quotes

Demetri Martin

7 quotes

Steve Martin

7 quotes

Steven Wright

6 quotes

Will Rogers

6 quotes

Ellen DeGeneres

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Woody Allen

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Joe Rogan

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"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."

— Steve Martinfunny

"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity."

— Albert Einsteinfunny

"People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading."

— Logan P. Smithfunny

"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."

— Woody Allenfunny

"To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone."

— Reba McEntirefunny

"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is."

— Ellen DeGeneresfunny

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"I'm odd looking. Sometimes I think I look like a funny muppet."

-Angelina Jolie

funny

Top Authors in funny

Mitch Hedberg

Demetri Martin

Steve Martin

Steven Wright

Will Rogers

Ellen DeGeneres

Woody Allen

Joe Rogan

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All funny Quotes

"I'm odd looking. Sometimes I think I look like a funny muppet."

"Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion."

"It is not funny that anything else should fall down only that a man should fall down. Why do we laugh? Because it is a gravely religious matter: it is the Fall of Man. Only man can be absurd: for only man can be dignified."

"You know the funny thing, I don't get along with rich people. I get along with the middle class and the poor people better than I get along with the rich people."

"I guess when you turn off the main road, you have to be prepared to see some funny houses."

"I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid they told me I was being funny."

"I'm blonde and tanned and normal-sized! I'm sweet, shy, funny, have a big heart and I'm nice - and I like to eat."

"I used to think that everything was just being funny but now I don't know. I mean, how can you tell?"

"There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world."

"I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn't like me for being... me."

"A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back, it comes back up like gangbusters."

"My grandchildren are fabulous and funny."

"I could party in a cardboard box with people who are funny and don't care. For me, it's really about who I surround myself with, so I just try to always be with hilarious people."

"Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is."

"It's a funny thing, the less people have to live for, the less nerve they have to risk losing nothing."

"I don't care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I'll laugh because they'll probably be funny."

"You need to be silly to be funny."

"You know how old I am? I'm so old, I remember when Letterman used to be funny and it was presidents who were serious. That's how old I am."

"In my circle of friends, I've always been loud and funny and talkative. But as soon as I step out of that circle, I get very quiet and introspective. I don't want the spotlight on me."

"I remember straightening my hair because I wanted to be like everybody else, and now the fact that anybody would emulate what I do? It's just funny."

"I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive."

"Life can be dramatic and funny all in the same day."

"The middle class is so funny, it's the class I know best, and it's the class where you find the most pretension, so that's what makes the middle classes so funny."

"I'm smart and I can be really funny and interesting and I can go toe-to-toe with anybody in a conversation."

"I had an idea of what I thought was funny. It's kind of based on how I am."

"You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what's current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all."

"I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming."

"I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny."

"I never smoked. I never drank and I never took drugs. The funny thing is, nothing is more boring, people like this. For me, it's OK. But most of my friends, at least they smoke and drink."

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