"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
-Emo Philips
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"He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.“
-Emo Philips
posted in Smile
Other Quotes by Emo Philips
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"Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something."
-Emo Philips
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"When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas."
-Emo Philips
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"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps."
-Emo Philips
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"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
-Emo Philips
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"I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper."
-Emo Philips
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"In junior high school, I was an object of pure ridicule for my dress, withdrawal, and asocial manner. Dozens of times, I saw individuals laugh and smile more in ten to fifteen minutes than I did in all my life up to then."
-Arthur Bremer
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"My friends and family, especially my mom and dad, are always saying I should smile more."
-Dillon Casey
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"Beautiful isle of the sea, Smile on the brow of the waters."
-George Cooper
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"When Fortune smiles, I smile to think how quickly she will frown."
-Robert Southwell
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"We ought to be beating our chests every day. We ought to look in the mirror, stick out our chests, suck in our bellies, and say, 'Damn, we're Americans,' and smile."
-Jay Garner
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"Ascetics and fakirs come to mitigate human suffering to heal us and lead us on the path. They put up with criticism they go through many worldly trials. Some of them have even become martyrs for our sake. But they have done all this with a smile and with gratitude to God. Hence sacrifice is a great virtue."
-Sadhu Vaswani
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