Evan Esar

"Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures."

"Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either."

"America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week."

"The girl with a future avoids a man with a past."

"Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it."

"Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment."