Mark Twain

• "Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.“
• "Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.“
• "Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.“
• "Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.“
• "When angry, count to four when very angry, swear.“
• "The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.“
• "If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.“
• "We have the best government that money can buy.“
• "Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.“
• "It is not best that we should all think alike it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races.“
• "Prosperity is the best protector of principle.“
• "Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.“
• "It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.“
• "Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.“
• "A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.“
• "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.“
• "It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.“
• "The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.“
• "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.“
• "The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.“
• "Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.“
• "In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.“
• "Don't let schooling interfere with your education.“
• "I've never let my school interfere with my education.“
• "Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.“
• "Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.“
• "I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.“
• "I never let schooling interfere with my education.“
• "Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.“
• "A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.“
• "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.“
• "The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.“
• "Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.“
• "Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.“
• "Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.“
• "It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.“
• "Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.“
• "Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.“
• "All generalizations are false, including this one.“
• "By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.“
• "Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.“
• "In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.“
• "It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.“
• "God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.“
• "Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.“
• "Man - a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.“
• "I can live for two months on a good compliment.“
• "Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.“
• "It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.“
• "Golf is a good walk spoiled.“
• "Thunder is good, thunder is impressive but it is lightning that does the work.“
• "Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.“
• "The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.“
• "Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.“
• "It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.“
• "There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.“
• "To be good is noble but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.“
• "Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.“
• "What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.“
• "We have the best government that money can buy.“
• "Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.“
• "Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.“
• "Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one.“
• "My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.“
• "I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.“
• "My books are like water those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.“
• "There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.“
• "Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.“
• "The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.“
• "The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.“
• "Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.“
• "Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.“
• "Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.“
• "The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow there is no humor in Heaven.“
• "Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.“
• "You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.“
• "I must have a prodigious quantity of mind it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.“
• "Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.“
• "Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.“
• "When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.“
• "The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.“
• "Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.“
• "To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.“
• "What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.“
• "Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.“
• "When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.“
• "Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation.“
• "The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.“
• "My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.“
• "The lack of money is the root of all evil.“
• "Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.“
• "We have the best government that money can buy.“
• "If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.“
• "The secret of getting ahead is getting started.“
• "Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.“
• "Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.“
• "Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress but I repeat myself.“
• "Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.“
• "When people do not respect us we are sharply offended yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.“
• "Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.“
• "The finest clothing made is a person's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this.“
• "It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.“
• "Golf is a good walk spoiled.“
• "All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure.“
• "To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.“
• "A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.“
• "Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.“
• "Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.“
• "Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.“
• "The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.“
• "Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.“
• "A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.“
• "I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time.“
• "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.“
• "It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.“
• "Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.“
• "Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities Truth isn't.“
• "When in doubt tell the truth.“
• "Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.“
• "Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so.“
• "Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.“
• "Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.“
• "Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.“
• "Thunder is good, thunder is impressive but it is lightning that does the work.“
• "Man - a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.“
• "Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.“
• "Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.“
• "Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.“

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