"Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air."
-Jack Benny
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"I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.“
-Jack Benny
posted in Funny
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"Gags die, humor doesn't."
-Jack Benny
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"Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
-Jack Benny
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"How sweet it is!"
-Jackie Gleason
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"We don't believe in rheumatism and true love until after the first attack."
-Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach
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"It's better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week."
-Laurence J. Peter
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"The last person they expected to connect with a screenplay was the comedic, blonde actress with the funny voice."
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"But I think funny and talent will always win out I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you're funny you will get over all of that."
-Wanda Sykes
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"It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world."
-Artie Lange
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"I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business."
-Wanda Sykes
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"When we criticize in Iran the actions of the government, the fundamentalists say that we and the Bush Administration are in the same camp. The funny thing is that human rights activists and Mr. Bush can never be situated in the same group."
-Shirin Ebadi
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"So it was just funny to read a script that was just similar to what had been going on in my life."
-Piper Perabo
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