"I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor."
-Joan Rivers
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"I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.“
-Joan Rivers
posted in Life
Other Quotes by Joan Rivers
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"What are people going to do? Fire me? I've been fired before. Not book me? I've been out of work before. I don't care."
-Joan Rivers
WorkView Quote
"Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise."
-Joan Rivers
WisdomView Quote
"She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven."
-Joan Rivers
WarView Quote
"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it."
-Joan Rivers
TimeView Quote
"Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television."
-Joan Rivers
ThankfulView Quote
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"The highest use of capital is not to make more money, but to make money do more for the betterment of life."
-Henry Ford
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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
-Brooke Shields
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"There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way."
-Christopher Morley
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"What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life."
-Leo Buscaglia
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"Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance and hypocritical humility. I chose the former and have seen no reason to change."
-Frank Lloyd Wright
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"Take a chance! All life is a chance. The man who goes farthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare."
-Dale Carnegie
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