Bill Maher

• "Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.'“
• "This has been a learning experience for me. I also thought that privacy was something we were granted in the Constitution. I have learned from this when in fact the word privacy does not appear in the Constitution.“
• "Freedom isn't free. It shouldn't be a bragging point that 'Oh, I don't get involved in politics,' as if that makes someone cleaner. No, that makes you derelict of duty in a republic. Liars and panderers in government would have a much harder time of it if so many people didn't insist on their right to remain ignorant and blindly agreeable.“
• "Men are only as loyal as their options.“
• "Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.“
• "Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.'“
• "Let's face it God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?“
• "Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need.“
• "Freedom isn't free. It shouldn't be a bragging point that 'Oh, I don't get involved in politics,' as if that makes someone cleaner. No, that makes you derelict of duty in a republic. Liars and panderers in government would have a much harder time of it if so many people didn't insist on their right to remain ignorant and blindly agreeable.“
• "I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.“
• "If you think you have it tough, read history books.“
• "Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?“
• "The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence briefings to George Bush. I don't know how well this is working out. Today after the first one Bush said, 'I've got one question: What color is the red phone?'“
• "This has been a learning experience for me. I also thought that privacy was something we were granted in the Constitution. I have learned from this when in fact the word privacy does not appear in the Constitution.“
• "Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical marijuana or assisted suicide, suddenly the 'will of the people' goes out the window.“
• "Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical marijuana or assisted suicide, suddenly the 'will of the people' goes out the window.“
• "Men are only as loyal as their options.“
• "Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.“
• "I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?“
• "Freedom isn't free. It shouldn't be a bragging point that 'Oh, I don't get involved in politics,' as if that makes someone cleaner. No, that makes you derelict of duty in a republic. Liars and panderers in government would have a much harder time of it if so many people didn't insist on their right to remain ignorant and blindly agreeable.“
• "We are a nation that is unenlightened because of religion. I do believe that. I think religion stops people from thinking. I think it justified crazies.“
• "I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.“
• "Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need.“
• "Freedom isn't free. It shouldn't be a bragging point that 'Oh, I don't get involved in politics,' as if that makes someone cleaner. No, that makes you derelict of duty in a republic. Liars and panderers in government would have a much harder time of it if so many people didn't insist on their right to remain ignorant and blindly agreeable.“
• "To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who's your real friend? It's the person who tells you the truth. That's who my real friends are. So, you know, I think as far as our country goes, we need more people who will do that.“
• "Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.“
• "What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country.“

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