Dane Cook

"I'm glad that my parents missed one thing that was really unbelievable. They saw me hit this great success. It was a blast and we had a lot of laughs. And it was just an amazing time. They passed away. And then after I got, you know, famous, all these haters came out of nowhere."

"Anger has a way of seeping into every other emotion and planting itself in there."

"I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up."

"Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince."

"My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare."

"My fam is just a regular family. But all of them have great senses of humor."