"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying."
-Woody Allen
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"I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia."
-Woody Allen
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"Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once."
-Woody Allen
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"Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all."
-Woody Allen
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"I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose."
-Woody Allen
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"I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers."
-Woody Allen
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"The last person they expected to connect with a screenplay was the comedic, blonde actress with the funny voice."
-Joey Lauren Adams
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"But I think funny and talent will always win out I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you're funny you will get over all of that."
-Wanda Sykes
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"It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world."
-Artie Lange
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"I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business."
-Wanda Sykes
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"When we criticize in Iran the actions of the government, the fundamentalists say that we and the Bush Administration are in the same camp. The funny thing is that human rights activists and Mr. Bush can never be situated in the same group."
-Shirin Ebadi
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"So it was just funny to read a script that was just similar to what had been going on in my life."
-Piper Perabo
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