"I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays."
-Henny Youngman
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"This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!“
-Henny Youngman
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"This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest."
-Henny Youngman
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"Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport."
-Henny Youngman
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"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
-Henny Youngman
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"A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student."
-Henny Youngman
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"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
-Henny Youngman
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"If you're picking your best friend based on what kind of clothes she wears or how popular she is, chances are you aren't going to stay in touch after graduation."
-Renee Olstead
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"All my graduation money went to paying for bartending classes so I could have a side gig. I bartended for two months before I was supposed to move to New York and then two months later I got the job as an understudy in 'Sister Act' and haven't looked back since."
-Patina Miller
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"A month before graduation I got an off-Broadway job. Then I did some commercials, including one for MCI. You can only see half of me, but it paid well. Thank God for commercials."
-Lee Pace
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"I woke up on May 15, 1991, the day of my Barnard graduation, and I said to myself, 'By the end of today you will decide what you want to do with the rest of your life.'"
-Alexandra Guarnaschelli
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"At the end of four years' time, at graduation, we were down to 12. At our reunion that we had several years ago, only 1 out of the 52 actually made it to ordination and priesthood. So there you go, there's your numbers."
-Peter Jurasik
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"One of the most difficult speeches to prepare is an address to a graduation class, which is why I don't often do them."
-Jerry Moran
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