"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."
-George Carlin
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"When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent."
-George Carlin
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"I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work."
-George Carlin
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"Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit."
-George Carlin
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"Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that."
-George Carlin
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"By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth."
-George Carlin
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Same Category
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"I was in three academic clubs, a huge book worm and the teacher's pet. I was kind of an easy target for bullies."
-Nicole Anderson
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"I always pet a dog with my left hand because if he bit me I'd still have my right hand to paint with."
-Juan Gris
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"One of my biggest pet peeves is that I just don't like it when characters do things that are funny to the writer, but you don't know why they're doing it and it doesn't make any sense."
-Glenn Howerton
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"And I strongly believe people should rescue dogs, or, at the very least, listen to Bob Barker and have your pet spayed or neutered."
-Justin Chambers
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"To this day I don't ever remember seeing a pet inside Moscow, I never saw anyone carrying a dog, or leading a dog. Err I finally saw a, a pet some years later in Kiev, so I thought that life must have been, different."
-Ralph Boston
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"I have this pet thing about how global communications are moving so fast now, throwing information at you, making everything available to you, and yet I feel it's leaving us more and more isolated."
-Mike Rutherford
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