"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."
-George Carlin
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"When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent."
-George Carlin
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"I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work."
-George Carlin
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"Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit."
-George Carlin
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"Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that."
-George Carlin
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"By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth."
-George Carlin
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Same Category
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"Civilisation has ever accompanied emigration and conquest - the conflict of opinion, of religion, or of race."
-Alfred Russel Wallace
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"Religion is no more the parent of morality than an incubator is the mother of a chicken."
-Lemuel K. Washburn
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"I appreciate the 'Surreal Life.' I had a really positive experience on that show, and with those people. I found some love in my heart for religion again, and had the support of a new family of friends. I wouldn't have had the pleasure of meeting those people, if we were not all placed in that fishbowl."
-Vince Neil
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"Contradictory to my religion, I think, is journalism."
-Sydney Schanberg
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"Religion is the idol of the mob it adores everything it does not understand."
-Frederick II
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"When men take pleasure in feeling their minds elevated with strong drink, and so indulge their appetite as to disorder their understandings, neglect their duty as members of a family or civil society, and cast off all regard to religion, their case is much to be pitied."
-John Woolman
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