"My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor."
-Phyllis Diller
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"My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.“
-Phyllis Diller
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"What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day."
-Phyllis Diller
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"Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children."
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"The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public."
-Phyllis Diller
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"Our dog died from licking our wedding picture."
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"Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed."
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"Of course this is Vegas and it is the melting pot for all over the world, but people from all over the world know Donny and Marie. It is amazing. I have been in the business a long time to realize careers can be fleeting. Five years is a long career nowadays for some people, and here we are still going strong after 40 years."
-Donny Osmond
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"Our competition for American business is no longer in the next county or the next state, it's around the world."
-Karl Rove
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"McSweeney's as a publishing company is built on a business model that only works when we sell physical books. So we try to put a lot of effort into the design and production of the book-as-object."
-Dave Eggers
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"A belief in God is vitally important, not just in show business, but stability in life. You know, to recognize deity is the most important thing that you can do. I mean, it comes to the Ten Commandments. They weren't ten suggestions. They were Ten Commandments."
-Donny Osmond
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"To me, the print business model is so simple, where readers pay a dollar for all the content within, and that supports the enterprise."
-Dave Eggers
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"It's a lot of work to keep reinventing yourself and coming up with new stuff, but that's what it takes to be in show business."
-Donny Osmond
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