"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
-Emo Philips
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"Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.“
-Emo Philips
posted in Family
Other Quotes by Emo Philips
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"Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something."
-Emo Philips
WomenView Quote
"He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites."
-Emo Philips
SmileView Quote
"When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas."
-Emo Philips
MorningView Quote
"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps."
-Emo Philips
MorningView Quote
"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
-Emo Philips
MoneyView Quote
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"While Free Choice Vouchers didn't fulfill my vision of a health care system in which every American would be empowered to hire and fire their insurance company, they were a foothold for choice and competition and a safety valve for Americans whose employers are already forcing them to bear more and more of their family's health insurance costs."
-Ron Wyden
FamilyView Quote
"The importance of human life should be universally respected - and that refers to children before they are born and after. All children have the right to be brought up in a loving two-parent family where the notion of divorce is not even possible."
-Christopher Monckton
FamilyView Quote
"More than any other setting - more than battlefields or boardrooms or a spaceship headed for intergalactic travel - I'll put my money on the family to provide an endless source of comedy, tragedy and intrigue."
-Joyce Maynard
FamilyView Quote
"But I am Armenian and I understand what it is to lose a country and lose a family and have massacres and genocides and everything against my people."
-Andrea Martin
FamilyView Quote
"I've always known I wanted a family."
-Charlize Theron
FamilyView Quote
"And whereas women had to fight to find their way into the workforce, men are now fighting to reclaim their place in the family structure."
-Bob Geldof
FamilyView Quote