"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
-Emo Philips
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"I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.“
-Emo Philips
posted in Men
Other Quotes by Emo Philips
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"Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something."
-Emo Philips
WomenView Quote
"He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites."
-Emo Philips
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"When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas."
-Emo Philips
MorningView Quote
"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps."
-Emo Philips
MorningView Quote
"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
-Emo Philips
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"The most positive men are the most credulous."
-Alexander Pope
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"In a free society the state does not administer the affairs of men. It administers justice among men who conduct their own affairs."
-Walter Lippmann
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"No man has any natural authority over his fellow men."
-Jean-Jacques Rousseau
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"Prejudices are so to speak the mechanical instincts of men: through their prejudices they do without any effort many things they would find too difficult to think through to the point of resolving to do them."
-Georg C. Lichtenberg
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"Men don't and can't live by exchanging articles, but by producing them. They don't live by trade, but by work. Give up that foolish and vain title of Trades Unions and take that of laborers Unions."
-John Ruskin
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"Strong women only marry weak men."
-Bette Davis
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